Broke up, Broke down in Braid wood..Time to change!

I have had a very interesting, very unusual change of events in my life over the last 7 weeks.

The start of life changing and renewing events started about 7 weeks ago when what I believed to be my soul mate,(my forever woman) and I after living together in my 26 foot mansion on 6 wheels for approximately15 months decided it was over. A loaf of bread and a guitar caused our breakup but many underlying causes less obvious were the real villain. We both left the cold blistery Michigan weather. She went on her way back to Louisiana in a rental car with her things. I installed a new rear main seal to the mobile mansion  preceded alone a couple weeks after. Our dreams together were over...

 Memories lingered of the mansion full of her warmth and smiles and awesome aroma of her great southern/indian/everything cooking. I was feeling good about our time together and focused on the beautiful things about her. Then suddenly south of Joliet Illinois on hwy 55 I lost power. I exited immediately and stopped next to a Marathon Gas Station in the town of Braid-wood to evaluate my situation. It was like I felt  a punch in the face and my heart dropped again. I was parked living next to the gas station for a solid 3 weeks without heat or electricity while I tackled the repairs and wait for parts. The evening winds were so strong they often rocked the mansion all night long as I slept waking up every few hours to make sure everything was intact.

I was in the middle of small towns and it was very cold with the cold bite of winter in February. My feeling was I was in a bad place desolate and a bar behind me that I learned later had been closed. The dreariness I felt was that I was in a town with 3 nuclear power plants within a short distance of my presence. One nuclear plant was across the street and could be seen in the distant. I choose to be happy and upbeat about my situation. I was in a bad place I just didn't realize the bad place was my blindness to who I thought I was as a person. I was not the person I wanted to be and this was becoming very clear.

After evaluation and extensive time disassembling things I was able to completely evaluate the reason I lost power in both my motor home and within myself. A tiny $2 part failed called a key-way which holds a gear  that runs the timing or heart beat of the engine causing the heart beat to miss and jump time which intern snapped the drive shaft which intern would not allow the oil pump (the HEART) to pump which intern stopped lubricating the crankshaft which is the main artery and destroyed the bearings holding the main artery in place. Laying on my back on the gravel and laying across the top of engine on my stomach I was eventually able to complete the repairs successfully. I now could leave the Marathon station. I was feeling renewed inside as my many hours of deep meditation each and every morning and evening kept my spirits high and helped my inner self realize my real problem was more than the obvious engine failure.

I drove about 4 miles and felt a vibration and not able to get up to a good speed...I made it to a new friends home and checked transmission fluid. The fluid was not even detectable on the stick. I looked underneath and found where I lost fluid. An o ring on the odometer inlet to the neck of the transmission failed. What does all this mean perhaps it's the equivalent of how i felt. My heart had virtually failed and my gears were twisted inside me. I have become too comfortable in who I am. I successfully changed my life from a over achiever business man/invent-er/manufacture and become a very easy going non stressed and I really mean never stressed guy just taking life in stride. I now realize I have put my life on hold the last several years thinking it will all happen as it happens. I now realize I need middle ground!

I did allot of things in this time and have created a whole new career for my self that simply needs more work ethic and importance to make everything happen. I need to never promise anything while i still have not finished whats on my plate. This whole experience was an important reminder that I too need to rebuild the damage to my heart (engine) that I allowed to happen and repair my internal transmission so I can shift thru life with more precision and smooth gears. I need to now find middle ground within my self so my promises are etched in stone. A new set of keys to start my engine so it roars like it use to when I had passion to accomplish anything.  I must not recreate the overworked, overstressed life I once lived.  I knew something was wrong in my relationship and confronted it too late and this is what damaged my drive-train and dropped my heart. It took the loss of my woman and and the total breakdown of my mansion on wheels to open my eyes clearly to what I need to do to be the person I really want to be....and thought I was.....

 It's time for change. My lesson on this one is listen to my heart sooner and complete repairs and continued maintenance on myself so I never ever allow myself to feel like this ever again.  It's GREAT to believe in a dream but never with a person that has given up on the dream. You can sense when someone has given up, and that means its too late. Dreams do come true if you never give up or give in. I realize sometimes ones you love will not believe in you or they stop believing the dream but they do for a reason and that reason is really clear, you failed them and they have reason to believe it won't happen.... Accept it and move on. Make the necessary changes so the next time someone believes in your dreams together they will share in the awesome joy building dreams together as a team, each one promising only what they can deliver. My problem is clear I promised more than I could deliver in a timely manner, too much on my plate and poor timing and never switching gears smoothly. Great things do take time and some woman just won't wait and that's fine because when you hurry you start missing life! I'm grateful for the loss.

  I will continue to accept life's challenges with joy and happiness. Joy and happiness was mirrored back to me by many wonderful people I met in the small town of Braid-wood Illinois. Some I have developed close friendships and enjoyed dinners with beautiful family's. I'm now continuing my journey and will continue to change and improve and enjoy every moment of life I live now and forever. I'm very grateful of my mechanical break down as it has open my eyes so wide to my necessary changes that were so badly needed.
I'm very grateful for the many things I was taught from my relationship, even real cool things like chopping salad with scissors, I'm going to miss so many special moments I took for granted and now that my eyes are wide open I pray I will never ever take things for granted again..... I'm obviously deeply saddened but I'm saddened for my failure to grasp and hold every moment, every kiss, every hug, every breath together as something so very special.

Resurfacing due to groves and vibration........

Resurfacing my brake rotors.

Our surface represents our entire life. Every scar every wrinkle has a story. The shine or lack of shine in our hair. The sparkle in our teeth or the dullness.The depth of our eyes can tell volumes and our smile or grin speaks louder than any page on a book or any note a singer may hit. Sometimes it's time to think of resurfacing ourselves. With a steel mechanical part like a brake rotor it's allot easier, you simply put it on a lathe and it will cut away all the grooves and scars till the surface is clean again. Now the brakes are clean, quiet and precision.

It is much different to resurface ourselves although many may try to by means of a medical doctor.  Modern technology and lots of cash may work but only for a limited time. Sometimes this may be necessary in extreme cases of severe accidents etc. To truly resurface ourselves we can only do it from our insides. Our heartfelt decisions and choices. Our life style dictates allot. Do we give our bodies time to rest and recharge? Even a brake rotor has time to rest as the driver releases his foot from the brake to give it time to cool down. Do we cool down?

Our thoughts, worries and anxieties can speak volumes on our posture and facial expressions. I bring this up because I noticed something about myself as I was getting some pictures done for promoting my 1st comedy tour. I looked worn, I looked generally unhappy inside. I was thinking to much of things I had no control of, no power over. I had others look at the pictures and many saw the same thing. They are use to seeing me happier. I'm happy about  many things. I have been progressing and even more happy about launching my 1st comedy tour, but you could still see sadness in my eyes.

My unhappiness was something I have not let go of in my mind. I have had repetitive thoughts and even dreams of someone I cared about allot. It was very unusual for me to be this sad especially since the relationship never really started only partly... So I decided I need to do something now. I need to hit my new brakes every time I think of this person. Wish she is doing great in her life and release the brake and accelerate my thoughts towards my adventure at the moment.

In conclusion sometimes it's a good idea to have a third party evaluate our exterior like the rotors needing help to eliminate its grooves and bad vibration. Sometimes even when we feel we are back on target it may be necessary for an adjustment or optional input to be directed more positively into our hard drives so we can be who we are now and not how we felt yesterday.  Accelerate your lives because you know you have just installed precision rotors and new brakes to press whenever something wants to take you off your path.

You change you but also listen to and observe others when doubt may exist. Be 100% you. Everyone teaches us things even when they are no longer with us. We can be thankful for our continued education and hey no enrollment fee just keep living your life each day. Genuinely wish all people GREAT things and LOVE today.

Peeling away the outside layer.....

Just recently I peeled the outer layer of the exterior paint off a house here in Michigan in November and repainted the house. I have never painted the exterior of a house before but it was meant to be....The weather was perfect in the 60's and the monetary funds received were necessary to pursue my next step.
I moved cautiously on a 30 foot ladder for the hard to reach spots but I reached them it just took a little longer. I equate this with my dreams I just will keep reaching and before I know it I will be touching and living them as I have visioned.
Interestingly this house was abandoned and purchased at a very low price and is now looking renewed and live again. Sometimes we can get an inner feeling of disappointment when maybe a love for someone does not turn out as we expect or hope for.......maybe it's a selfishness and maybe the other person is renovating themselves and is simply not ready or maybe our renovation of ourselves is not adequate for the other party.
It felt good to peel away the outer painted clothes each night and to cleanse my body and realize we are always renewing and improving ourselves...I noticed the street I was working on was Lincoln a very distintive name visualizing prominence  and success. I also noticed a classic Lincoln a couple doors down that was restored and for sale. We may be able to buy prominence but do we really have it where it matters most inside our souls.

"To continue to increase my happiness with every breath I inhale and exhale." INsaneMAN

"To continue to increase my happiness with every breath I inhale and exhale." INsaneMAN
Wow -Amazing! 
When being around testy circumstances or controlling people sometimes we can slide out of happiness and love to defend ourselves and our individuality. We shoud not submit ourselves to these types of circumstances and people for extended periods. It is awesome to know when we encounter these things and simply thinking of our breath as happiness or love or peace will give you total control of your happiness. IT IS INSTANTLY GRATIFYING!
I have been testing this today and it has empowered me more than I could ever imagine. It has also kept peace and harmony in the enviroment in which I'm occupying. Breathe in Happiness and exhale happiness for all to enjoy.

Moving obstacles from your path.........

I'm writing on obstacles today because I have had a few put in my path today. Interesting thing is that I'm stuck in a place where I'm always attacked verbally non stop. I'm stationary physically due to my motor home deciding it does not want to start. To top it off it is on 3/4 of the road. My stop here was only suppose to be for a few hours.

Everything I do at this place is wrong or the wrong way or not good enough. I thought maybe I was perceiving this but it is not a perception but a weakness. So I have to maintain and realize that I do things the best I can and I do things well. I'm reinforcing myself with my accomplishments and realizing this other person is not doing this on purpose but is on automatic pilot from a lifetime of programming.

So what do we do when things get in our way and especially if they are overwhelming. First thing is to stand back and chill and evaluate things. Maybe even remove your mind from the situation till your ready to think positively about the matter. Than when ready start to remove the obstacles 1 at a time till you can move freely again. It's that simple. Remember too you have always succeeded removing things out of your path to get where you want to go.....

After writing this post I sent an up building poem I wrote several years ago to someone I cared about on a mental level that never turned into what I wanted. I have repaired the motor home shortly after emailing the poem. It was just a bad connection. Interrupted communication from a wire. It is very symbolic as where I'm staying the words I seem sensitive too seem like they are simply a shorted wire not flowing the proper current because lack of a firm connection and or understanding.

So in summary if we do not communicate properly we disallow movement or growth just like the motor home not wanting to move till the wire had a firm connection so it could communicate to the starter to start the engine. Once our engines are started than we can roar proudly in all we do and be sure all others we are in contact with roar too.....

Twisted GUTS.......

I'm almost thinking this piece should be entered in my roadkillawareness blog.

Ever have a gut feeling something is right. You go with your gut feeling and you feel good about it. Your decision was right. Things change and now your gut is being twisted and twisted because you did not stand on firm ground to confront the situation. Or you simply let your gut twister's panic attack and or crying get the best of you. The facts are exposed by your gut. Your gut is right every time and never forget it!

Be happy with the experience you had and be happy it is over because you will end up twisted with heavy repair and restructuring costs if you do not listen to your internal ALARM. Be proud of who you are and that you gave your best. If someone is saying you did not come through it is only because they did not.

If we listen each time are gut is twisted we can make positive decisions that will not restrict our growth for a matter that has no intention to grow with you. You can change you and make you stronger by tuning into your gut feeling. Listen to it solely by yourself. Do not try to have friends and family evaluate your decision. Your decision is yours only. Live with it and enjoy every moment. You change you and your GREATness will evolve and will be released and shared to make the world the GREAT place for all to enjoy joy.

Pillars? Strength or Weakness?

Life becomes clear when we decide to open our eyes and see, listen with our ears,and live with an open heart.We can see weakness and feel strength. We can hear and be empowered. We can live life to the fullest each day with a strong open heart.

We all have pillars in life. Some  pillars are unstable and ready to collapse others are solid and stand proud.
Pillars are our friends, family and acquaintances. The amount of time we spend with anyone is our choice. Simply, is our time spent with those that reinforce our desires and goals or lessen our focus and happiness?

Pillars do rot, decay and collapse and will need to be abandoned and or removed for disposal.Only after a firm clear decision has been made can a new pillar be put in place. The new pillar will be absolutely beautiful, refreshing,  and energizing to your soul.  It can take on any color or structure you pic.

Your growth will be limitless with great pillars. I saw some brilliant wavy strawberry pillars yesterday. I'm really interested in learning how this pillar is designed from the inside out. My guess is excellence exists inside too but it is important to examine the inside construction before permanent placement in my life.