I have had a very interesting, very unusual change of events in my life over the last 7 weeks.
The start of life changing and renewing events started about 7 weeks ago when what I believed to be my soul mate,(my forever woman) and I after living together in my 26 foot mansion on 6 wheels for approximately15 months decided it was over. A loaf of bread and a guitar caused our breakup but many underlying causes less obvious were the real villain. We both left the cold blistery Michigan weather. She went on her way back to Louisiana in a rental car with her things. I installed a new rear main seal to the mobile mansion preceded alone a couple weeks after. Our dreams together were over...
Memories lingered of the mansion full of her warmth and smiles and awesome aroma of her great southern/indian/everything cooking. I was feeling good about our time together and focused on the beautiful things about her. Then suddenly south of Joliet Illinois on hwy 55 I lost power. I exited immediately and stopped next to a Marathon Gas Station in the town of Braid-wood to evaluate my situation. It was like I felt a punch in the face and my heart dropped again. I was parked living next to the gas station for a solid 3 weeks without heat or electricity while I tackled the repairs and wait for parts. The evening winds were so strong they often rocked the mansion all night long as I slept waking up every few hours to make sure everything was intact.
I was in the middle of small towns and it was very cold with the cold bite of winter in February. My feeling was I was in a bad place desolate and a bar behind me that I learned later had been closed. The dreariness I felt was that I was in a town with 3 nuclear power plants within a short distance of my presence. One nuclear plant was across the street and could be seen in the distant. I choose to be happy and upbeat about my situation. I was in a bad place I just didn't realize the bad place was my blindness to who I thought I was as a person. I was not the person I wanted to be and this was becoming very clear.
After evaluation and extensive time disassembling things I was able to completely evaluate the reason I lost power in both my motor home and within myself. A tiny $2 part failed called a key-way which holds a gear that runs the timing or heart beat of the engine causing the heart beat to miss and jump time which intern snapped the drive shaft which intern would not allow the oil pump (the HEART) to pump which intern stopped lubricating the crankshaft which is the main artery and destroyed the bearings holding the main artery in place. Laying on my back on the gravel and laying across the top of engine on my stomach I was eventually able to complete the repairs successfully. I now could leave the Marathon station. I was feeling renewed inside as my many hours of deep meditation each and every morning and evening kept my spirits high and helped my inner self realize my real problem was more than the obvious engine failure.
I drove about 4 miles and felt a vibration and not able to get up to a good speed...I made it to a new friends home and checked transmission fluid. The fluid was not even detectable on the stick. I looked underneath and found where I lost fluid. An o ring on the odometer inlet to the neck of the transmission failed. What does all this mean perhaps it's the equivalent of how i felt. My heart had virtually failed and my gears were twisted inside me. I have become too comfortable in who I am. I successfully changed my life from a over achiever business man/invent-er/manufacture and become a very easy going non stressed and I really mean never stressed guy just taking life in stride. I now realize I have put my life on hold the last several years thinking it will all happen as it happens. I now realize I need middle ground!
I did allot of things in this time and have created a whole new career for my self that simply needs more work ethic and importance to make everything happen. I need to never promise anything while i still have not finished whats on my plate. This whole experience was an important reminder that I too need to rebuild the damage to my heart (engine) that I allowed to happen and repair my internal transmission so I can shift thru life with more precision and smooth gears. I need to now find middle ground within my self so my promises are etched in stone. A new set of keys to start my engine so it roars like it use to when I had passion to accomplish anything. I must not recreate the overworked, overstressed life I once lived. I knew something was wrong in my relationship and confronted it too late and this is what damaged my drive-train and dropped my heart. It took the loss of my woman and and the total breakdown of my mansion on wheels to open my eyes clearly to what I need to do to be the person I really want to be....and thought I was.....
It's time for change. My lesson on this one is listen to my heart sooner and complete repairs and continued maintenance on myself so I never ever allow myself to feel like this ever again. It's GREAT to believe in a dream but never with a person that has given up on the dream. You can sense when someone has given up, and that means its too late. Dreams do come true if you never give up or give in. I realize sometimes ones you love will not believe in you or they stop believing the dream but they do for a reason and that reason is really clear, you failed them and they have reason to believe it won't happen.... Accept it and move on. Make the necessary changes so the next time someone believes in your dreams together they will share in the awesome joy building dreams together as a team, each one promising only what they can deliver. My problem is clear I promised more than I could deliver in a timely manner, too much on my plate and poor timing and never switching gears smoothly. Great things do take time and some woman just won't wait and that's fine because when you hurry you start missing life! I'm grateful for the loss.
I will continue to accept life's challenges with joy and happiness. Joy and happiness was mirrored back to me by many wonderful people I met in the small town of Braid-wood Illinois. Some I have developed close friendships and enjoyed dinners with beautiful family's. I'm now continuing my journey and will continue to change and improve and enjoy every moment of life I live now and forever. I'm very grateful of my mechanical break down as it has open my eyes so wide to my necessary changes that were so badly needed.
I'm very grateful for the many things I was taught from my relationship, even real cool things like chopping salad with scissors, I'm going to miss so many special moments I took for granted and now that my eyes are wide open I pray I will never ever take things for granted again..... I'm obviously deeply saddened but I'm saddened for my failure to grasp and hold every moment, every kiss, every hug, every breath together as something so very special.
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